helping others

How to Listen when someone's upset

The following is an excerpt from the article The Antidote to Anger and Frustration
The power of emotional validation, Published on June 18, 2011 by Guy Winch, Ph.D. in The Squeaky Wheel.

When our loved-one erupts in anger and frustration, the last thing most of us think to do is to pour fuel on the fire by telling them they should feel angry and frustrated. Yet when done correctly, providing someone emotional validation can have extremely surprising results that strengthen relationship bonds.

The Recipe for Authentic Emotional Validation

Here are the steps for offering authentic emotional validation. But take note: You must do all 5 steps and do them correctly to achieve the desired impact.

1. Let the person complete their narrative so you have all the facts.
2. Convey you get what happened to them from their perspective (whether you agree with that perspective or not and even if their perspective is obviously skewed).
3. Convey you understand how they felt as a result of what happened (from their perspective).
4. Convey that their feelings are completely reasonable (which they are given their perspective).
5. Convey empathy or sympathy (not pity!) for their emotional reactions.

Lastly, if your loved ones are not good at emotional validation when you vent to them about your own emotionally painful experiences, email them this article-it will be worth it!

To read the full article go to:

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