HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Self-Help - , , -

Here are some tips for setting healthy boundaries, modified from the book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin, by Anne Katherine:

  • When you identify the need to set a boundary, do it clearly, preferably without anger, and in as few words as possible. Do not justify, apologize for, or rationalize the boundary you are setting. Do not argue! Just set the boundary calmly, firmly, clearly, and respectfully.
  • You can’t set a boundary and take care of someone else’s feelings at the same time. You are not responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. You are only responsible for communicating the boundary in a respectful manner. If others get upset with you, that is their problem. If they no longer want your friendship, then you are probably better off without them. You do not need “friends” who disrespect your boundaries.
  • At first, you will probably feel selfish, guilty, or embarrassed when you set a boundary. Do it anyway, and tell yourself you have a right to take care of yourself. Setting boundaries takes practice and determination. Don’t let anxiety or low self-esteem prevent you from taking care of yourself.
  • When you feel anger or resentment, or find yourself whining or complaining, you probably need to set a boundary. Listen to yourself, then determine what you need to do or say. Then communicate your boundary assertively. When you are confident you can set healthy boundaries with others, you will have less need to put up walls.
  • When you set boundaries, you might be tested, especially by those accustomed to controlling you, abusing you, or manipulating you. Plan on it, expect it, but be firm. Remember, your behavior must match the boundaries you are setting. You cannot establish a clear boundary successfully if you send a mixed message by apologizing for doing so. Be firm, clear, and respectful.
  • Most people are willing to respect your boundaries, but some are not. Be prepared to be firm about your boundaries when they are not being respected. If necessary, put up a wall by ending the relationship. In extreme cases, you might have to involve the police or judicial system by sending a no-contact letter or obtaining a restraining order.
  • Learning to set healthy boundaries takes time. It is a process. You will set boundaries when you are ready. It’s your growth in your own time frame, not what someone else tells you. Let your counselor or support group help you with pace and process.
  • Develop a support system of people who respect your right to set boundaries. Eliminate toxic persons from your life – those who want to manipulate you, abuse you, and control you.
  • Setting healthy boundaries allows your true self to emerge – and what an exciting journey that is.

Found on the website: http://serenityonlinetherapy.com/healthyboundaries.htm

Project Help is Collier County’s local rape and crisis center offering FREE & CONFIDENTIAL services. Services may include evidence collection, exam, immediate crisis intervention, working with law enforcement if reporting, counseling groups, court assistance, information and referrals, and our 24 hour hotline. If you need HELP…call our hotline: 239-262-7227

How to Listen when someone's upset

Helping Others - , , -

The following is an excerpt from the article The Antidote to Anger and Frustration
The power of emotional validation, Published on June 18, 2011 by Guy Winch, Ph.D. in The Squeaky Wheel.

When our loved-one erupts in anger and frustration, the last thing most of us think to do is to pour fuel on the fire by telling them they should feel angry and frustrated. Yet when done correctly, providing someone emotional validation can have extremely surprising results that strengthen relationship bonds.

The Recipe for Authentic Emotional Validation

Here are the steps for offering authentic emotional validation. But take note: You must do all 5 steps and do them correctly to achieve the desired impact.

1. Let the person complete their narrative so you have all the facts.
2. Convey you get what happened to them from their perspective (whether you agree with that perspective or not and even if their perspective is obviously skewed).
3. Convey you understand how they felt as a result of what happened (from their perspective).
4. Convey that their feelings are completely reasonable (which they are given their perspective).
5. Convey empathy or sympathy (not pity!) for their emotional reactions.

Lastly, if your loved ones are not good at emotional validation when you vent to them about your own emotionally painful experiences, email them this article-it will be worth it!

To read the full article go to:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201209/the-art-listening/how-listen-when-someones-upset

Project Help is Collier County’s local rape and crisis center offering FREE & CONFIDENTIAL services. Services may include evidence collection, exam, immediate crisis intervention, working with law enforcement if reporting, counseling groups, court assistance, information and referrals, and our 24 hour hotline. If you need HELP…call our hotline: 239-262-7227

SAFETY TIPS FOR WHEN KIDS ARE HOME ALONE

Uncategorized -

The following is an excerpt from “Home Alone-Safety Tips for Parents and Children” found on the website MyChildSafety.net

Safety tips for parents

While teaching your child safety rules for staying home alone, it is important to stress the importance of the safety rules, without unnecessarily instilling fear.

  • Post a list of emergency numbers including family members, trusted friends and neighbors, and emergency personnel.
  • Make sure your child knows his/her phone number and address. Write these on the list of important numbers. It is very easy for anyone, especially a child, to panic in an emergency. If included on the list, your child can easily read aloud to a 911 operator in case of emergency.
  • Keep a first aid kit in the house. Teach your child basic first aid.
  • Make sure there are working smoke detectors on every floor of the house and teach your child what to do in case of fire. Practice fire evacuation routes with your children.
  • Keep a flashlight and batteries in an easily accessible place in case of power outage. Show your child where to find it.
  • Make sure that your child has a way to contact you when you are away from the home, including a cell phone and/or work number. Check your messages often and promptly return your child’s calls.
  • Limit the kind of cooking that can be done absent adult supervision.
  • Call and check on your child. Always call and let them know if you are running late.

To get more tips and read the full article go to: http://www.mychildsafety.net/home-alone.html

Project Help is Collier County’s local rape and crisis center offering FREE & CONFIDENTIAL services. Services may include evidence collection, exam, immediate crisis intervention, working with law enforcement if reporting, counseling groups, court assistance, information and referrals, and our 24 hour hotline. If you need HELP…call our hotline: 239-262-7227

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Project HELP Inc.
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24/7 Sexual Assault Crisis Helpline

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